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I'm going to propose a new home improvement show...

And I'm going to call it "What Not to Do!" (much like "What Not to Wear"), where we show home owners and home improvement-types how NOT to fix things. For the first episode, I can just see it:

The top 10 things you should ALWAYS think about when working on your house

1. Always prime the wall before painting over glossy paint.
     I wanted to post pictures of the results, but I forgot in all the hullabaloo of getting it all painted

2. Make sure your screws are going in straight.
     Have you ever tried to straighten out a screw hole that was drilled wrong in the first place? Doesn't work so well. If you'd like a demonstration, come check out my kitchen cabinets. The hinges are fab!

3. When painting/mudding/whatever corners, it's a good idea not to leave large blobs of stuff. They don't go away.
     My bathroom door is a prime example

4. Large holes punched in the ceiling do not disappear just because you've placed a hook or light fixture in them to cover the carnage
     I have a number of examples of this one. Mostly confined to my dining room, happily, thought not having them at all would be even better.

5. When removing drains from the front of a house, it's a good idea to PAINT THE BALD SPOT LEFT BEHIND.
     You know, because it's on the front of the house, and it's obvious, and it just looks sloppy.

6. More screws isn't always the best answer for cabinets that don't want to stay on the wall.
     Well, you see, sometimes that means that you shouldn't be doing these things yourself. Sometimes that means you're doing it wrong and you should GET HELP. Because people just MIGHT notice the 10,000 screws in the backs of the cabinets.

7. Feng shui is great in THEORY. Sometimes questionable or just not PRACTICAL in practice.
     I can think of a number of examples, one of which isn't necessarily even my problem: the 8-foot in the roof to cast sunlight on the red door, facing south, with no outside light, no knocker, and no doorbell. Who thinks that's a good idea? Anyone? Anyone? No?

8. Concrete that slopes towards the house will cause flooding and drainage problems. Period.
     Yes, even if your brother knows how to pour concrete, that doesn't necessarily mean you should let him. Because you know those crawlspace windows? The ones that are now on the same level as the concrete? And the concrete that slopes towards those windows? Guess what happens when it rains...

9. Just because you've put half an inch of dirt over the pipes for the sprinkler system doesn't mean they're truly buried
     Yes, they may not be visible right this very second, but just try to add a sprinkler head to THAT. Or try to plant around that. Go ahead. I dare you.

10. And finally, It doesn't matter how much paint you put over it. A bad patch job will always continue to show.
     Places like the bathroom, the not-fitting wall in the entry, and the thousand other places where you just slapped 3 inches of mud over the crack and then painted. We can still see it. You're not fooling anyone.

So anyway. I'm tired. Of painting. Of cleaning. Of spackling. Never mind the fact that the cats have fleas right now. Yes, our indoor-only cats have cultivated a fairly raging colony of fleas. Best we can figure is that Miles picked them up the last time he was at the groomer. Now, I'm thinking that I've had enough trouble with them in the past that this just could be the last straw. Ask me again the next time he needs a shave in.... oh.... 4 months.

And then there's the fish tank. I guess we're going to have to start a batch of water-change water tonight. The nitrate levels are just too high. I thought live rock was supposed to help that. At least the Ammonia level is down. sigh

Do I do that before or after the curtains for the bedroom?
  Before or after the counter on the bookcase?
    What about cleaning out the computer room?
      Storing the small fish tank?
        Patching the ceiling in the dining room?
          Cleaning the heater air return?
            Scrubbing the shower?
              Touching up the blue paint in the bedroom?

Oy. At least the kitchen is pretty much finished. Soon as I remember to get the pictures off the camera, I'll post. It's pretty. I promise.

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