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March 30, 2006

Navel-gazing

Occasionally I get into one of those introspective, ponderous moods where life serves up the most interesting buffet of events and information that I can't help but wonder... and fix myself a plate...

A couple days ago, I was reading my Rolling Stone that I ordered to help out my nephew's school. Normally, Rolling Stone is a bit too... hm... pompous? maybe? for my tastes, but it was the only thing I saw in the page-after-page of self-help-monster-truck-parenting magazines and I'm quite in favor of class pizza parties, even for 6-year-olds. So I get Rolling Stone. And occasionally I like it.

There was an article about an artist I've never heard of. But his face was so interesting that I had to read about him. I could be showing my age. Or possibly my.... square-ness. But I'd never heard of Pete Doherty before this week. That was an excellent article in Rolling Stone. I highly recommend it. And I learned that even half-crazy crackpots can produce some truly beautiful writing:

      The parties and fantasy
      criminal or not plots
      must and will be enjoyed
      beyond
      and
      love
      too good at getting high
      feelin the void
      avoid the malaise
      see the rise
      of a different kind

******************

      But you're always welcome here
      I keep love handy, I keep it near
      And I take note of all of your witty reposts
      And I follow with the famous quotes and
      If i say I care, I really mean it

******************

      Just as the sun turned away, and
      (thinking, in her stupidity, that it couldn't see or hear us) asked:
      'Will you love me forever?'
      'Of course not,' I said.

******************

      FOREVER
      Shall never be found deep
      inside her
      She's way too impressed at how he
      caught the spider

******************

      Did a content person ever
      achieve anything except
      his own sunny expression

******************

      A love letter
      full of roses
      I found,
      on my pillow when I awoke

Anyway. Beautiful stuff. If a little bit crackpot. Makes you wonder about creativity and artistry.

Of course, since I was poking around online, I found some other interesting things. Including this place: Welcome to Everything@Everything2.com. Apparently, it's a place for amateur writers to post articles. And ramblings. Including this gem (warning: adult and possibly disturbing content). Something about it seems so profound. And visceral. Made me want to cry.

Maybe life has just hit me hard lately. It often does. When I'm tired. And beset on all sides.

I disconnect.
I procrastinate.
I avoid.
"Well-secluded, I see all"

Until I can sort it all out in my head. And then I'm super-woman. But until then, I'm quiet and sleepy and maybe a little prickly. I'm not hungry. I don't want to watch TV. Don't want to be touched.

And then I'm a flurry of productivity. It's those times that I enjoy. I get my work done, and the house is clean, and the vacation is booked, and the family has all been talked to, and....

But not today. Today I'm reading about a half-crazy crackpot (maybe I say it too kindly?) and wondering what it's like to not care, to lose yourself like that, to not have to worry about the mortgage
and the cats
and the clothes
and the job
and the family
and the cars
and the weather
and the price of tea in China.

But the buffet is all you can eat. And I'm not really hungry. I already ate.

Say what you will. I live something of a privileged life. Have a nice car. Buying my second house at only 27. I have an awesome job with some of the smartest people in the world. What's not to love?

Except does any of it matter? What have I done lately that I'm truly proud of? That anyone else would care about? Have I helped the hungry? Or the homeless? Have I said something nice today?

I don't know.
I wasn't paying attention.

March 20, 2006

By the Way....

You can leave comments, you know. I mean, to let me know you've been here. I like comments. They make me happy. See the link? The one that says "Comments (0)"? That means you've stopped by, but you haven't said hello. :(

March 16, 2006

Procrastination

So, this week, it's South By Southwest time and as that is a music festival and I work for the music portion of Apple, guess where alllllll of my co-workers are right now. I'm really quite okay with this. It just means that it's dead quiet around here. There's no emails. No phone calls. No one stopping by. It's nice.

Except...

Well, funny thing about everyone else being out is that I am SO not motivated to do ANYTHING. If they don't have to work, why do I have to work? Not that this is necessarily a problem. What with everyone else gone, they're not getting anything done either, so my marked lack of productivity should be pretty unremarkable. At least that's what I'm hoping.

Anywho, this week has been great for my internet surfing, which I literally have not done since... oh.... high school. I mean, one can only look at so many webpages before one just gets JADED. But I did find a link to this place. And there is some hysterical stuff here. I highly recommend this website. The owner is nuts. I swear.

In other news, D-day on the house is now just 2 weeks away. And somehow we've managed to have MORE projects than when we started this endeavour. Not sure how we managed that. And not so sure I like that. I mean, who decides to rip out a bathroom with 3 weeks to spare? Seriously. I feel like I'm on one of those goofy home decorating shows where they have 2 days to (cue announcer man with oddly deep voice) Completely Transform This Tired Old House Into A Real Show Place, Complete With Cozy Sitting Area!!! And We'll Do It In 2 Days And For Only $5!!! Next Time On (insert favorite HGTV show here). Except we're missing the TV crew. And the zany host. And the hidden crew of people who ACTUALLY do all the painting and cleaning and working. And the joyous reveal at the end. And.... well, you get the idea. Basically, we're missing the fun.

Not that I'm blaming anyone. Because I'm not. I'm just tired. So very tired.

Thankfully, work is pretty slow right now (see above discussion), so I'm able to get an hour or so of "me-time" immediately after work, before we start on the evening's projects. Last night we packed books and shot glasses. (Not together. Just at the same time.) Today, our realtors are at the house doing yard work. They're earning their commission for sure. And it's been proven over the last 4 years that I officially don't know what to do with a yard that isn't already all nice and pretty. So I need help. Happily, we have a realtor who actually likes yard work (hallelujah!), so I'm perfectly happy to just let her go crazy.

Because of all the house stuff, I haven't exactly had a lot of time to practice my pipes. And it's so sad. My pipes are beautiful. Really, truly beautiful. And they sound so wonderful. The cats (of course) hate them, but there's this amazing feeling of power that comes with playing something so.... well, loud. :)

Anyway, realtor just called. I'm to go with her to Home Depot to buy flowers and mulch and outside prettiness. Wish me luck.

March 15, 2006

Tired.

So very tired. And someday I'll write a real post. Especially after all the good comments I got on the last one.

Until then, enjoy this.
Magical Trevor Threeeeeeeee!

March 6, 2006

House Hunters R Us

In order to make sure we have a suitable level of chaos in our lives, Schondy and I went house hunting this weekend. I have to say, it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. After listening to Madline and Tom talk, I was just sure it was going to be like walking onto a used car lot, but of course, it wasn't, except for the one guy....

(Real names concealed to protect the innocent)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: Hi! Your names? (reaching to shake hands)

Peanut: (returning handshake) Hi. I'm Peanut.

Schondy: (returning handshake) Hi. Schondy

Kinda creepy Realtor type: I'm Creepy Realtor Type, and this is Pat.

Pat: (waves a little, slightly confused)

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (wonder if Pat is the home owner)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: Make yourselves an open house! I'm just finishing up with Pat and I'll be right with you.

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (a little confused, but prefer to be left alone anyway) Ok. Thanks.

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (taking Pat outside to talk, being sure to look back over shoulder to make sure Mr. and Mrs. Peanut aren't in listening range) So have you heard about this house over on Laura? No? Go there. It's better.

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (eh? Wandering through house, noting Washer/Dryer in hall with no doors to hide them, interesting 4th bedroom that you have to go outside to reach, uneven pavers in back....)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (comes back in, minus Pat, which means she probably isn't home owner. so why the introductions before? we know not.) So! How are you folks today?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (a little mumbly, a little skeeved out) Good!

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (shaking hands again) And your names were?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (mumbling names, correcting him when he's SOOOOO wrong. not a good impression)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (wandering into kitchen and fiddling with radio, which is playing some sports event) Any questions? Anything other than what the score is? Because my team is down and I'm not sure they'll pull it together.

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (NOT sports types, so really don't care)
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (smile and giggle appropriately)
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (everyone's a comedian...) Nope! Don't think so!

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (leading towards previously-mentioned 4th bedroom outside) Did you see this room? Isn't it neat? It was once a studio, so it's all sound-proofed. I always pictured it as an excellent place for a family with extra children...

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (EXTRA children? as if there was suddenly a sale on them at the Piggly Wiggly, and you never know when you might run out?)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (not noticing even-more-skeeved out Mr. and Mrs. Peanut) Or maybe a good place for the teenage kid so they can sneak out whenever they want!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (ha! smile and nod, smile and nod.)

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (ready to run away, but he just KEEPS COMING. smile and nod, smile and nod.)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (finally realizing Mr. and Mrs. Peanut just aren't going to bite) It was built in 1999, so it's pretty new, and the kitchen was redone in 2003, so it's pretty new, too!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (eyeballing weeee little kitchen and noting the 3-foot section of granite counter top and thinking: well, you can only do so much, I suppose... smile and nod, smile and nod.)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (one last bid for some action? maybe?) SO! Have you heard about the other property over on Laura?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (blank stare)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: Wait. Do you have an agent?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (finally! we can get him off our backs!) Yes. We do.

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (gotta be the good guy anyway...) Oh! Well, then, have your agent tell you about it! HA!!!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (what is WITH this guy!?!?)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (conspiratorial whisper) Well, I guess since I spilled the beans I have to keep going! It's just like this, but the garage is still a garage - not a bonus room and it's got LOADS of upgrades. I mean, it's a peach! It's also $5000 more! But don't say I told you!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (ooooh. nevermind that the best thing going for this place was the bonus room...)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (just trying to be funny at this point...) Oh, hey! And since this one has the bonus room, there's just a motorcycle garage. Just big enough for a Harley! You have a Harley, don't you!?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (laugh and nod, laugh and nod.)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (trying to mention Harley as much as possible) Ha, ha! Just right to park your Harley in!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (edging out the door, continuing to smile and nod) Oh, right! It's great for that!

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (fully realizing that the people are leaving) Ok, folks! Call if you have any questions!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (running for car) We will! Thanks!

Hm. So that didn't come across as well as I'd hoped. Oh well. You get the picture. He was the only one that was really annoying with the used car salesman style. All the others were very nice. And we saw some beautiful houses and some beautiful neighborhoods. Too bad they didn't line up the way we would have liked.

So we're out again next weekend, doing the same song and dance, hopefully with better luck.