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House Hunters R Us

In order to make sure we have a suitable level of chaos in our lives, Schondy and I went house hunting this weekend. I have to say, it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. After listening to Madline and Tom talk, I was just sure it was going to be like walking onto a used car lot, but of course, it wasn't, except for the one guy....

(Real names concealed to protect the innocent)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: Hi! Your names? (reaching to shake hands)

Peanut: (returning handshake) Hi. I'm Peanut.

Schondy: (returning handshake) Hi. Schondy

Kinda creepy Realtor type: I'm Creepy Realtor Type, and this is Pat.

Pat: (waves a little, slightly confused)

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (wonder if Pat is the home owner)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: Make yourselves an open house! I'm just finishing up with Pat and I'll be right with you.

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (a little confused, but prefer to be left alone anyway) Ok. Thanks.

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (taking Pat outside to talk, being sure to look back over shoulder to make sure Mr. and Mrs. Peanut aren't in listening range) So have you heard about this house over on Laura? No? Go there. It's better.

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (eh? Wandering through house, noting Washer/Dryer in hall with no doors to hide them, interesting 4th bedroom that you have to go outside to reach, uneven pavers in back....)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (comes back in, minus Pat, which means she probably isn't home owner. so why the introductions before? we know not.) So! How are you folks today?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (a little mumbly, a little skeeved out) Good!

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (shaking hands again) And your names were?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (mumbling names, correcting him when he's SOOOOO wrong. not a good impression)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (wandering into kitchen and fiddling with radio, which is playing some sports event) Any questions? Anything other than what the score is? Because my team is down and I'm not sure they'll pull it together.

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (NOT sports types, so really don't care)
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (smile and giggle appropriately)
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (everyone's a comedian...) Nope! Don't think so!

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (leading towards previously-mentioned 4th bedroom outside) Did you see this room? Isn't it neat? It was once a studio, so it's all sound-proofed. I always pictured it as an excellent place for a family with extra children...

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (EXTRA children? as if there was suddenly a sale on them at the Piggly Wiggly, and you never know when you might run out?)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (not noticing even-more-skeeved out Mr. and Mrs. Peanut) Or maybe a good place for the teenage kid so they can sneak out whenever they want!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (ha! smile and nod, smile and nod.)

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (ready to run away, but he just KEEPS COMING. smile and nod, smile and nod.)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (finally realizing Mr. and Mrs. Peanut just aren't going to bite) It was built in 1999, so it's pretty new, and the kitchen was redone in 2003, so it's pretty new, too!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (eyeballing weeee little kitchen and noting the 3-foot section of granite counter top and thinking: well, you can only do so much, I suppose... smile and nod, smile and nod.)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (one last bid for some action? maybe?) SO! Have you heard about the other property over on Laura?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (blank stare)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: Wait. Do you have an agent?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (finally! we can get him off our backs!) Yes. We do.

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (gotta be the good guy anyway...) Oh! Well, then, have your agent tell you about it! HA!!!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (what is WITH this guy!?!?)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (conspiratorial whisper) Well, I guess since I spilled the beans I have to keep going! It's just like this, but the garage is still a garage - not a bonus room and it's got LOADS of upgrades. I mean, it's a peach! It's also $5000 more! But don't say I told you!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (ooooh. nevermind that the best thing going for this place was the bonus room...)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (just trying to be funny at this point...) Oh, hey! And since this one has the bonus room, there's just a motorcycle garage. Just big enough for a Harley! You have a Harley, don't you!?

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (laugh and nod, laugh and nod.)

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (trying to mention Harley as much as possible) Ha, ha! Just right to park your Harley in!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (edging out the door, continuing to smile and nod) Oh, right! It's great for that!

Kinda creepy Realtor type: (fully realizing that the people are leaving) Ok, folks! Call if you have any questions!

Mr. and Mrs. Peanut: (running for car) We will! Thanks!

Hm. So that didn't come across as well as I'd hoped. Oh well. You get the picture. He was the only one that was really annoying with the used car salesman style. All the others were very nice. And we saw some beautiful houses and some beautiful neighborhoods. Too bad they didn't line up the way we would have liked.

So we're out again next weekend, doing the same song and dance, hopefully with better luck.

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